Original Hooden Play 1966
Copyright (c) The Hoodeners. All rights reserved.
- Molly:
- The Hoodeners are 'ere!
Make way for the Hoodeners!
All right Joe, they're all ready for us
- Joe:
- Now then, mind you behave yerself,
Remember where we are.
- Adam:
- No knocking the furniture over, it's Mr Cole's house
- Molly:
- Don't mess up the carpets like yer did at the vicarage
- Colin:
- 'e won't budge!
- Joe:
- Dig yer 'eels in boy!
Woah! Woah!
Steady boy, steady!
There now, quiet as a mouse,
He knows he's in ol' Will Cole's house
- Colin:
- Fine oats and nice fresh grass
- Joe:
- Ouch! He's bin and bit my…
- Molly:
- Remember where you are Joe
- Adam:
- Ouch! He's bin and bit my shin
- Molly:
- Hold on boy! Hold on…
- Joe:
- Sit down lad
- Molly:
- He's thrown the boy
Lift his head, pat his cheeks
There's some life there if he squeaks
- Joe:
- Not a murmur, not a wink
Dead as mutton, now I think
Great big bruise all black and yeller
- Adam:
- He's been and killed the poor young feller
- Joe:
- A dent an inch deep in his roof
Made by cruel ol' Dobbin's hoof
- Adam:
- Tell his mother her boy's no more
Nothing can the lad restore
- Molly:
- Put two pennies on his eyes
Like they do when someone dies (sob, sob)
- Adam:
- Use 'is scarf to tie 'is jaw
He won't be wanting it no more
- Molly:
- Good-bye to his Mum, and love 'im
- Joe:
- Soon the daisies he'll be shovin'
Roots of dandelion be eatin'
- Molly:
- Wrap 'im up in pure white sheeting
Make his shrouds of finest linen
Lord forgive the poor lad's sinning
- Joe:
- Amen (quietly)
- Molly:
- A carpenter for old Will Cole
Perhaps he'll bury the poor young soul
- Joe:
- In the cold ground, he'll abide
Study joinery from inside
- All:
- Study joinery from inside
- [They all lift him up and wrap the boy in a sheet]
- Molly:
- Tell the parson, fetch the choir
- Adam:
- The finest Daimler we will hire
- Molly:
- Plant Colin Bean in Shuart Lane
- Joe:
- Never to sprout up again
- All:
- Never to sprout up again
- [Weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, with the funeral march]
- Adam:
- He moved!
- Molly:
- He moved!
- Joe:
- Give 'im something to drink
- Adam:
- Can you hear me Colin lad?
- Colin:
- Where am I — is that you Joe?
- Molly:
- How you feeling Boy?
- Joe:
- Lift 'im up
- Adam:
- Steady does it Boy
- Molly:
- How you feeling?
- Colin:
- Right as rain
Ready to start off again
But first let's pay old Dobbin back
For giving my head such a crack
- Joe:
- Ah! and I'm going to beat 'is hide
For lacerating my backside
- Adam:
- Ah! and I'm going to do 'im in
For nearly breaking my poor shin
- [All beat the living daylights out of Dobbin!]
- Joe:
- Tell Colin you're sorry
Ah, there now
- All:
- Boy and horse are friends once more
Head and eyes no longer sore
Dobbin now is all submission
Having learned his hardest lesson
Half starved he is now, poor nag
Something please to fill his bag
Do not burst out the door
Give us something, good friends, for…
If ye the Hooden horse do feed
Throughout the year ye shall not need.
Copyright (c) The Hoodeners. All rights reserved.