Original Hooden Play 1966

Molly:
The Hoodeners are 'ere!
Make way for the Hoodeners!
All right Joe, they're all ready for us
Joe:
Now then, mind you behave yerself,
Remember where we are.
Adam:
No knocking the furniture over, it's Mr Cole's house
Molly:
Don't mess up the carpets like yer did at the vicarage
Colin:
'e won't budge!
Joe:
Dig yer 'eels in boy!
Woah! Woah!
Steady boy, steady!
There now, quiet as a mouse,
He knows he's in ol' Will Cole's house
Colin:
Fine oats and nice fresh grass
Joe:
Ouch! He's bin and bit my…
Molly:
Remember where you are Joe
Adam:
Ouch! He's bin and bit my shin
Molly:
Hold on boy! Hold on…
Joe:
Sit down lad
Molly:
He's thrown the boy
Lift his head, pat his cheeks
There's some life there if he squeaks
Joe:
Not a murmur, not a wink
Dead as mutton, now I think
Great big bruise all black and yeller
Adam:
He's been and killed the poor young feller
Joe:
A dent an inch deep in his roof
Made by cruel ol' Dobbin's hoof
Adam:
Tell his mother her boy's no more
Nothing can the lad restore
Molly:
Put two pennies on his eyes
Like they do when someone dies (sob, sob)
Adam:
Use 'is scarf to tie 'is jaw
He won't be wanting it no more
Molly:
Good-bye to his Mum, and love 'im
Joe:
Soon the daisies he'll be shovin'
Roots of dandelion be eatin'
Molly:
Wrap 'im up in pure white sheeting
Make his shrouds of finest linen
Lord forgive the poor lad's sinning
Joe:
Amen (quietly)
Molly:
A carpenter for old Will Cole
Perhaps he'll bury the poor young soul
Joe:
In the cold ground, he'll abide
Study joinery from inside
All:
Study joinery from inside
[They all lift him up and wrap the boy in a sheet]
Molly:
Tell the parson, fetch the choir
Adam:
The finest Daimler we will hire
Molly:
Plant Colin Bean in Shuart Lane
Joe:
Never to sprout up again
All:
Never to sprout up again
[Weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, with the funeral march]
Adam:
He moved!
Molly:
He moved!
Joe:
Give 'im something to drink
Adam:
Can you hear me Colin lad?
Colin:
Where am I — is that you Joe?
Molly:
How you feeling Boy?
Joe:
Lift 'im up
Adam:
Steady does it Boy
Molly:
How you feeling?
Colin:
Right as rain
Ready to start off again
But first let's pay old Dobbin back
For giving my head such a crack
Joe:
Ah! and I'm going to beat 'is hide
For lacerating my backside
Adam:
Ah! and I'm going to do 'im in
For nearly breaking my poor shin
[All beat the living daylights out of Dobbin!]
Joe:
Tell Colin you're sorry
Ah, there now
All:
Boy and horse are friends once more
Head and eyes no longer sore
Dobbin now is all submission
Having learned his hardest lesson
Half starved he is now, poor nag
Something please to fill his bag
Do not burst out the door
Give us something, good friends, for…
If ye the Hooden horse do feed
Throughout the year ye shall not need.

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